my kids are dicks sometimes. I’m a dick sometimes. So in other words we are all dicks being dicks to each other.

as far as vaccines are considered, they scare the shit out of me

i know you're not supposed to have favorite kids, but i do. i don't show it, but deep down inside i feel it. i feel horrible about it, but i can't help it as much as i try. does that make me a bad parent?