Oh pre prego jeans. How lovely you once were... Fitting so nicely on my hips and giving me that awesome boost every time I put you on. Now they are tight and I am frustrated my baby is three months old SOMETHING should be fitting, RIGHT?!
But maybe not your old clothes and that is okay!
Recently I attempted to put my pre pregnancy pants on. My favorite American Eagle torn jeans super cute that I got months before I got pregnant with my third. I wasn't thin I have always been a super curvy girl but these fit JUST right. Then I got pregnant and of course my thighs got bigger as did my butt and hips and well the pants, into the back of the closet. SO of course my body changed and I was able to lose some in the past few months so of course that gave me the WILD idea of trying on pre pregnancy clothes. Guess what!?
You know that feeling of complete failure like you should have done it right and therefore you begin to beat yourself up over it? That was what I did. I attempted to wear clothes that I KNEW would NOT fit. Yet I tried anyways resulting in me being upset for the rest of the day. I know my body has changed I KNOW things do not fit like they used to but the postpartum body image hate is FOR REAL and I am sure I will struggle with it for a long time.
So after I flopped around on the bed whining about why my clothes didn't fit I came to a realization.
HOLY CRAP I JUST GAVE BIRTH THREE MONTHS AGO VIA C SECTION. My body has been rocked from one end to the other in 10 months and then birth was a wild ride in itself. MY BODY HAS CHANGED and I probably won't ever wear those pants again or the dress that I also attempted to wear and that is okay. Because now I can go find clothes to fit my rockin new mom bod and be PROUD OF HOW FAR I HAVE COME AND WHAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED.
I have earned these rolls, these stretch marks and the extra body weight. Do you know what else I have gotten out of this deal? A beautiful child. Someone who looks at me with love she doesn't look at me as a body. And I need to remember that. My body isn't made to LOOK good and fit into old clothes. My body is to nourish a baby and I need to remember that.
So get over it and own your new mom bod. Go get some new clothes and stop stressing over how you USED to look and love how you look NOW.
It sucks being a single parent of child with a disorder, specifically for me, ODD. I am regretting being a parent. And that is a sucky feeling.
my heart hurts. i'm not sure how much more i can take.
I feel alone. I feel trapped. I hate looking in the mirror.. I'm afraid to even post this it's been trapped inside my head..