You just had a baby and this might be your first or your fifth but either way, it may not be what you expected. You are doing your best every day to be the best parent that you can be. But something is missing. The will to do things is slipping, you feel angry and frustrated with everyone and the thought of someone talking to you when you are enjoying your silence sounds overwhelming. So overwhelming that you could cry.
This is me. Right now. Every day I suffer with new feelings and new emotions and every time that I feel them creep up I want to cry because it just isn't fair. I love my children and I love my family so much but sometimes it is TOO much. TOO MUCH AT ONCE. Is it healthy? is it normal? what is normal? is normal even real? Because if it is I don't know what it is because most days I feel like I am doing something wrong.
I know that I have anxiety and depression and a slew of other things going on and my counselor she tells me that it is "Normal" so is this what normal is? dealing with a mess of problems after having a baby? because it doesn't feel like it.
So if this is "Normal" will it get better because I would like for it to. Will I feel somewhat sane one day because right now sometimes I feel like I am drowning in emotions and laundry and kids screaming and crying and fighting. I take my medication, I go for my walks, I exercise and eat well. I talk to people and still at the end of the day I cry because it is too much. I am doing it all right. right? what am I missing?
Let me tell you something. If you feel ANYTHING that I said above understand that it is normal to be so in your own head thinking you are failing and losing it. That you cannot catch up and the walls are slowly closing in on you. It is normal to be hormonal and feeling off your rocker because you just had a baby even if it was a year ago, you are still trying to balance life out. You are OKAY and you are going to be okay. Tell yourself that and believe it because you are worthy of being okay.
I know that I am. I tell myself every day. Every day I wake up and say "Okay here we go. someone is crying and the house is a mess and I just want to be left alone but I NEED to get myself together and make it happen. For my family and for myself. I am okay"
You are your biggest cheerleader and you have to remember that EVEN if you are doing IT ALL RIGHT taking EVERY STEP POSSIBLE to better your emotional health after having a baby...that the only way you will ACTUALLY get better is by believing in yourself and wanting it for yourself because without that...you won't get anywhere.
Get up and talk to someone, go for a walk, take medication because there is NOTHING wrong with medication...understand that! Take up a fitness class or find a hobby do SOMETHING for you. But while you are doing all of that tell yourself how amazing you are and that tomorrow is a new day and you are worth so much. Maybe one day we will all figure out what "Normal is" Or maybe it doesn't exist but we can sure try!
I believe in you.
Sometimes it feels like I am drowning in housework, I wish I had more than two arms then maybe I could finally catch up.
I feel alone. I feel trapped. I hate looking in the mirror.. I'm afraid to even post this it's been trapped inside my head..
I use video games as a baby sitter for my kids and I don't even care.