It means everything to me.
I get to watch my children grow up and do new things every day and I get to tend to the home and make sure everything on this end is taken care of. I wake up and I don't have to rush to shower and get ready for the day [I should though]. I go downstairs and make sure my three kids are fed and ready for the day all while smiling because I get to be home with them. But it also means exhaustion and loneliness and sleep deprivation OH and self love that goes out the window as well.
I must sound pretty selfish huh. A lot of parents would kill to be home with their little people all day and there are so many amazing perks of being home with my children and I truly am grateful however, there are downsides to being a stay at home parent.
Again selfish? maybe. But not to me and that is okay. I think we are all entitled to feeling how we want about how we choose to parent and provide in our own homes. For me while I am fortunate I am also very lonely.
Being a stay at home parent means making sure everyone is fed and bathed, the home is clean and the errands are ran, the groceries are bought and the meals are cooked. But it also means mama eats last...finally drinking that cold coffee...WAITING for your partner to get home so you can make ANY EXCUSE up JUST to get out of the house. Some days I CRY because I cannot wait until my husband is off work so I can get milk. Not because I am TRYING to get away from my family just because I need to get away..For me.
It means when you FINALLY get to take a shower the water might be cold because you are running another load in the washer and the dishes are also going but it doesn't matter because I get to finally take that must needed shower. And when you do finally take that shower you break down crying because you are slowly feeling like you are losing yourself.
It means watching your babies take their first steps...seeing them crawl and being able to save money on childcare [huge bonus for a lot of families] but it also means missing out on adult interaction...gaining weight because you just don't have the energy to leave and do anything and mainly because you can't because nap times and schedules so you just sit at home. It means saying "tomorrow I will be better, I promise"
Being a stay at home parent has taught me SO many things over the past 11 years including how to be a homemaker which I love but it also taught me I have to love myself or I will get lost in myself. I have to take care of myself physically not just the home and babies. The laundry can wait and I should pick up that book I have been DYING to finally read. It has taught me to be thankful for my hard working partner but to ALSO rely on him when I need him.
It means never to take it for granted but it is ALSO OKAY TO NOT ENJOY IT.
some days i wish that i could just take a day from parenting and that nobody needed anything from me. just one day.
I use the shower as a place to cry and let it all out.
I wish I didn't always feel like I have to "earn" people's love. I wish just being myself was enough.