Finding out you are pregnant is one of the craziest and sometimes scariest things that can happen but sometimes it is one of the most exciting things that you can experience in your life.
Growing up I always knew that I wanted a big family with kids tearing up the place, toys everywhere and me slightly going out of my mind. It all sounded crazy even as a teen wanting to be a parent after raising my own siblings for years to actually growing up and become a mother. One thing that I will never forget was the first time I saw those two pink lines. It is crazy to think that I took that test eleven years ago and of course it was when I was least expecting it. We always have a plan on when we are going to become parents. We are going to grow up and get married, settle down for a bit and then have kids. I was just twenty years old and with my [then boyfriend now husband] Sean for just shy of a year and a half when I just knew that something was different. Being young and kind of naive I assumed that everything was fine because I was on birth control. Little did I know my world was about to change.
What was I supposed to do I was twenty years old and had no money and we lived in a tiny apartment and barely could take care of ourselves and I am supposed to bring another life into the world? I remember going to the store and buying a pregnancy test for the first time in my life and shaking because I had no idea what I was going to do. I peed on the test and in that moment I could feel my heart racing through my chest as I waited for the result. As I sat there I remember seeing the first line pop up which was the control line then not long after, the second line.
I remember telling family, my boyfriend and a few friends and doing that made it feel so real but also so scary. As the weeks passed and my stomach began to grow the fear of what was to come was slowly passing. Before I knew it. I was holding my child. MY child. A CHILD I didn't know that I needed.
At that moment I realized how everything had changed and my life was just beginning and how in the beginning it started with that pregnancy test and those two pink lines. None of the fear I once felt mattered, the doubt that I couldn’t do it that I had been feeling for months is now gone. Now I had this tiny human to tend to and take care of and he was relying on me to be my absolute best. I have taken a number of pregnancy tests in my adult life and the ones that end up with the two pink lines have always proved to be the most exciting of them all.
They have led me to my three beautiful healthy children and a lifetime full of love and laughter.
Two pink lines gave me hope that I could be a better person and to help raise perfect humans that might grow up to change the world. Two pink lines gave me the courage to stand up to those in my life who were wronging me because I knew I had to do right by my children. Two pink lines gave me morning hugs before school, I love you notes at random and endless kisses. Two pink lines gave me a purpose in life. I have also taken tests that have proven two lines that have lead to loss. Sadness and heart ache. But I am grateful in that moment to have been pregnant. It gave me hope and strength to continue to try to see the lines again. To be happy again.
It all starts with two pink lines and if you are lucky enough to see those lines in your lifetime, cherish the moment. Understand the feelings you are feeling might change and if you are pregnant your life isn’t ruined. It is so easy to get caught up in the future when you are still caught in the moment.
Embrace how you feel in that exact moment because whether you are scared, happy, nervous or even if you freak out a little bit... Remember the end result is the most beautiful gift of all.
Take the test, You'll be okay..I promise
I am an asshole and snap at my partner often and I try to apologize as often as I can for being such a hot mess I hope they don't start to view me differently. I do my best! Anxiety is a bitch but I am a work in progress.
it's hard to trust people who flake constantly.
i’m exhausted. i don’t want to ask for help anymore. why is it so hard for my loved ones to see me drowning and still not offer for to step up?!