I have to admit I get extremely overwhelmed most days as I feel like there just isn't enough time in a day. You wake up do a million things and then by the time you are able to sit down to breathe a little bit your coffee that has been warmed up 5 times throughout the day is once again cold and now it is time to start dinner and get ready for the evening. You are exhausted.
Today was just that. Crazy. With the time change I was scattered and had no idea what was going on I felt like everything was spinning around..over an hour change. Seems crazy right? but it was like my children knew that there was a time change because they were off today as was I. We did our morning chores and got everything ready for the week then as the day progressed things felt slow and I was able to focus on them a little more since everything was done around the house. I was able to actually sit down with them and watch a movie and we all just SAT and it was weird but also really nice.
Once dinner time rolled around I was making dinner and the baby got fussy so I brought her into the kitchen and by now she is just screaming. I felt that OVERWHELMING spinning feeling that soon came back and bombarded my slow funk day like a wrecking ball. Those quiet moments are so few and far between we need to learn to enjoy them before they are gone. I was rushing through dinner and heard my middle child come in and start talking to her, singing and playing with her new car toy.
Baby calmed down and I could feel my heart rate slow back down to a somewhat normal pace.
I stood there..watching them. Almost in tears because they are just so perfect. They are absolutely nuts most days. But in that moment....the loud music coming from Alexa, the sound of the tv on in the other room, baby screaming and my daughter singing I didn't hear ANY OF IT. All I saw were my girls..in the same room being themselves even if they were crazy one minute and calm the other. I saw them. And then it hit me. Tomorrow they will be one day older. Then next year one year older. And then eventually they will be in their twenties.
We rush through the day doing all of the things we need to do because we HAVE to stick to our routine. We spend time with our children the best we can and hope we can make a positive impact on them in the upcoming days. We hear them fighting and screaming and throwing fits. We see them doing their homework, make constant messes and irritate each other. But one thing I realize I forget to do every day is REALLY see them.
Just sit and be. Watch them be. Listen to their little voices. Yeah its absolutely crazy and chaotic most days but understand that those are the unimportant things we will remember. The things we will remember are them sitting on the kitchen floor singing and talking to each other. Calming each other.
Tomorrow they will be ONE day older.
Enjoy the fighting and crying and laughing today because tomorrow is a new day with one day older kids.
i feel like my significant other is on a different journey and our paths are slowly going in different directions.
i don't think i'm cut out for this world. everything hurts my heart too much.
it's heartbreaking when you can feel yourself getting pushed out of someone's life.