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April 17, 2020

Stop comparing yourself to other parents, you are more than enough.


I feel this. Often. Especially now more than ever while we are all trying to figure out a new "normal". What is normal anyway? It honestly sounds like a made up word because it seems far fetched. I feel like we try so hard to do what we feel is "Best" but sometimes we stop and question EVERY LITTLE THING we are doing to stop and compare our parenting to how everyone else is doing it. Okay. Stop. Just because others appear to have it all figured out doesn't mean that they actually do. Or if they do that is great for them but when it comes to me. No way.


I do not have anything figured out. I barely have TODAY figured out. I used to think I had it all figured out but then I started obsessing over all of the things that I wasn't doing right because I was watching other parents. Then I started to feel discouraged. Then I started to question EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I DID and then I just felt full of doubt. Maybe I need to be a better planner. Maybe my kids need a better home school schedule. Maybe I need to have a better tone and do more yoga so I can be a calmer speaker. The list is LONG. So what can I do about it? What can WE as parents do about it? How do we change that. How do we STOP comparing and obsessing over other parenting styles.


I think the first thing that we need to do is tell ourselves "I am a kick ass parent" and repeat that over and over because it is true. If you are putting your all or even what you can into parenting you are a kick ass parent. If you are showing up for your kids, putting them first and loving them then you are a kick ass parent. You don't have to have it all figured out in order to be a kick ass parent.


It is okay to fail, it is okay to feed your children cereal for dinner. It is okay to raise your voice and break down and cry in the shower. It is okay to have a "whatever as long as it gets done today" home school schedule attitude. It is okay to just throw your hands up and say whatever. It is okay to let your kids have loads of screen time, eat on the couch and make messes. Because your LOVE is all that matters to your children and that is what makes you a kick ass parent. It's okay NOT to read 3 books a day with your kids. It's okay to let them play on the tablet for more than normal because right now you are doing your best, as are they.


Seeing someone else have it all "figured out" will only discourage you. Obsessing over other parents will only make you feel down and crappy about yourself when really you need to be saying to yourself "hey it is okay if they do things this way it doesn't make me any lesser of a parent if I do things this way". That has to stick because if we don't start giving ourselves grace we will only feel MORE and MORE discouraged as the days go by. Be kind to yourself. You are doing a great job.


There is no perfect parent. Right now during weird times all we can do is our best that is all. Throw your hands up. Cry in the shower. Make pancakes for dinner. Brush off the little things. Everything is weird and everyone is feeling it and you are a kickass parent doing the best that you can during an unknown time. GIVE YOURSELF a pat on the back because you don't need to compare yourself to anyone because you are already doing a great job.


STOP comparing. Your kids love YOU. Not who YOU see on facebook. Not the lady down the street. YOU. YOU are enough so stop thinking you aren't. LEAVE the mess. LEAVE the worry behind. Hug your kids. LOVE yourself and STOP STOP STOP with the comparing. 


Now go make pancakes for dinner.




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