Sex after baby, WHAT is the deal?
This is such a common question that I get during the postpartum period. What is the deal with my sex drive?
First of all I want you to know that you have done nothing wrong, the postpartum period is a crazy wild journey that impacts us in many ways. More than just physically but also emotionally and mentally as well. We need to remember that the toll our bodies take during labor and during the postpartum period is a lot to handle and can be extremely overwhelming.
It is really hard to balance baby, showering, tending to the home and work, shaving our legs, making dinner, making everyone happy AND then try to find time to be intimate with your partner. It can be overwhelming. It can make you feel super stressed out and then you get caught up in insecurities and it can feel more than it really is. So what is the deal? how can you deal WITH it?
Your partner needs to remember that this time is a time of healing, adjusting and dealing with the changes of your expanding family along with finding a balance for your new “normal”. Let your partner know that you are adjusting with a lot right now, that the lack of intimacy isn’t personal and that you need to figure things out before moving forward with sex. You also need to remember you shouldn’t rush yourself if you aren’t ready, this has to be something that you need to be ready for as well. REMEMBER you aren't just PARENTS. You also love each other and need to remember to carve out time for each other.
There are things you can do to feel connected to your partner while you wait for your sex drive to kick into gear.
1. Up the romance. Watch movies, cuddle, try to find some evening time together where you can focus on talking and laughing. Connecting in a relationship doesn’t always have to be sexual, if you aren’t ready to have sex or aren’t really feeling it yet, try other things.
2. Loosen up. This is a big one. Especially in the postpartum period. I have been there before and I can tell you it is HARD to relax and loosen up when you have laundry, baby, pumping and EVERYTHING else on your mind. Try to put those things out of your mind, relax and appreciate your body and let your insecurities go and try to loosen up and have a fun time. Most of the time we tend not to feel too sexual because we are caught up in our own things, let those things go even for a few.
3. Clean up your diet and exercise. So you know when you eat well, start walking or running and then after a few weeks you just feel GOOD. You feel a ton happier, your mind feels clear and less foggy and then you feel a little mischievous like you are in a fun mood. When you treat your body well you tend to release loads of happy hormones which makes you feel frisky sometimes. NOT ONLY diet, rest is SO important. Make sure you are getting sleep, staying hydrated and taking good care of yourself.
4. If you feel that this is an issue that you just cannot get past on your own, feel forced, need someone to talk to or just don’t understand what is going on PLEASE reach out to your dr/ob/midwife and see how they can help you.
Enjoy your postpartum time, this is a time for healing and connecting as a family and as a new parent. Having sex after baby can be confusing, painful, stressful and much more so make sure you are doing what feels right and best for you.
NEVER feel embarrassed when it comes to reaching out to someone you trust and talking with them about how you are feeling sexually. They are normal feelings and you should always feel good and positive about how you are feeling.
the only thing that keeps me going some days, is how awful it would be for my partner to tell my child they’ll never see their mom again. it tears me apart and it keeps me here.
some days i wish that i could just take a day from parenting and that nobody needed anything from me. just one day.
when the way people treat me confirms that i am as worthless as i feel.