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January 31, 2020

Personal relationship issues in the postpartum period and how to get through it all - together!

Everyone talks about prenatal but a lot of people forget about the postpartum period and how it can impact everyone and all different types of relationships. The one relationship we tend to forget about is our intimate relationship with our partner. It takes a huge hit sometimes. Then it becomes a normal thing and then eventually we stop and go "oh. My partner! Things have CHANGED"



There are a lot of things that can impact your personal relationship with your partner once a new family member joins the home.




Finances can have a huge impact on your home and personal relationship with your partner to the point of not prioritizing each other. Resentment. Maybe one stopped working and the burden is on one. Or both are working and time is stretched thin and there isn't as much coming in. It can impact how you are around each other. Money may not be as flexible as it was before having a family which can impact you and your partner. So what can you do? You have to remember that money will change constantly and it will impact you personally and forever change your relationship. Remember that money and income can and will always change but you can't let it impact you and your partner. Talk about budgeting together, maintain a healthy spending budget and support each other while you figure out this new journey and your finances.



Balancing time together and time with family and work and everything else 

This one hits home. Hard. BALANCE. What does that even mean? it means trying to figure things out and find time to do everything equally without going crazy or losing your mind. Trying to work and take care of a home, spending equal time with the kids and then trying to spend time together JUST you two can seem super hard to figure out. BUT YOU HAVE TO. So what can you do? You have to remember some things can be set aside. The chores can wait. Spend time with your family and your children but instead of doing the dishes and the laundry go watch a movie with your partner. It is hard to balance things out. Try it out. Once a week. 



Lack of family and or support people

This is really hard because a lot of people have constant support around them to watch your baby or children but a lot of families and couples are doing it on their own. This puts a lot of pressure on you and your partner to do everything on your own. So what can you do? Try to reach out to friends and family if in the area find someone you trust to help you with your family. So you can GET that time together. YOU NEED that time together. I know finding trustworthy people are hard but they are out there ask your closest friends if they feel comfortable coming over every few weeks for a few hours to sit with baby or your children while you and your partner can go on a date or find something to do for a few hours. You need to ask for help or you won't get that alone time with your partner.



Sex doesn't happen anymore, there is zero time.

There are a lot of things that change once you have a baby including intimate time with your partner. It is hard because you are EXHAUSTED. Busy. Life has changed and you are in control of taking care of a human or multiple humans 24/7 so at the end of the day doing anything else can sound overwhelming. You may have postpartum body issues, you see yourself differently. You might be bickering so the lack of sexual desire is there. You love and care about each other however, it just isn't a realistic option right now. So what can you do? Sometimes ALL IT TAKES is alone time. Watching a movie doing something where you aren't focused on the home or the kids. FOR ONE night make it about you two. Flirt, laugh, have fun. RELAX. Be spontaneous. Remember that you are also together and you both need that connection.



You get zero time for yourself so you begin to resent your partner

I am guilty of this. The baby has been screaming all day you are frustrated and have a million things to do and ZERO time to do anything alone. EVEN just a shower. Your partner gets home from work and you get so upset with them because they weren't there. YES they were working. YES they are exhausted. YES you need to see it. YES you both need to see both sides however, you are so tired that it is just easier to resent them. This will lead to arguing, resentment, distancing yourselves from each other and so on. So what can you do? You need to remember that you are a team. Balance time and even though you are both exhausted give each other encouragement and breaks to have time alone or with friends. The postpartum period is SO hard and during this time we don't take time for ourselves or our friends and we need it. Don't resent your partner, work with your partner. Put your nonsense aside understand you are both working hard and rotate shifts so you can get even just AN HOUR alone.



Remember this is new. Life changing. But you are also a team and you need to remember that in this moment EVERYTHING you are going through. EVERYTHING you are feeling. ALL OF IT is temporary. Six months from now none of it will really seem like a big deal. So in the moment breathe, focus on the important things. STOP with the resentment and move forward TOGETHER. ASK your partner "are you okay, can I help you" TELL your partner you need to spend more time together. REMIND your partner how much you love and value them as a person and as a partner. Stop assuming, trying to control the situation and start loving more, understanding more. It is all temporary.



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