Having a child can be one of the most exciting things that we can experience as adults but it can also be extremely overwhelming at the same time. I'll never forget when I had my oldest almost eleven years ago the delivery room was packed full of people, the contractions were horrible, my epidural wasn’t working and I was on oxygen because my anxiety was so bad. Once my son was born via emergency cesarean section it was like a revolving door of people coming in and out and I couldn’t breathe due to once again, my anxiety.
I wanted to tell everyone to leave me alone to go away but I was afraid because they were family and I didn’t want to upset anyone. Looking back I would have changed it all. I would have said please PLEASE respect that we do not want visitors and we will let YOU know.
It isn’t mean to want to be alone, especially while you are trying to figure out how to be a new parent. It doesn’t matter if it is your third child or your first you are a new parent and you have the right to be alone if you want to be. When I was pregnant with my third child I expressed to my husband that I wanted zero visitors that the only people I wanted to come up to the hospital were our two older children. It isn’t that we didn’t love our friends and family it was that we wanted it to be a smooth calm experience, especially since I was having surgery again.
We wanted to share a bond with our child and try to figure it out without the constant revolving door of visitors pulling her away and around exposing her to germs, I wanted her with me. When we got home it was the same, please don’t come around.
I wasn’t trying to be rude. I needed to heal, I was in a lot of pain.
I wanted to figure out breastfeeding while wearing my adult diaper AS WELL as being medicated in many ways without the worry of keeping people entertained.
Tell yourself that you and your healing and bonding is more important than pleasing others. You didn’t just have a baby to put on a show and entertain, you are supposed to be resting and lying around without the stresses of cooking and cleaning and entertaining friends and family. This is something that I had to learn the hard way, after a few babies. That my mental well being and physical healing were extremely important as well as the bonding with my baby. Not only that, learning to breastfeed was a priority and that those in our lives should understand that we needed the time for ourselves.
If the people in your life are understanding and they love and respect you, they should understand that you and yours need this uninterrupted time. If they don’t, well then that is their problem, not yours.
So if you are wanting to visit a new family please be respectful that they may just not want company and regardless of how it makes you feel understand that their feelings are important right now and you need to respect them.
it sucks feeling used. make time for people...not just when you need something from them.
i wonder if i'll ever feel like i'm enough.
it's heartbreaking when you can feel yourself getting pushed out of someone's life.