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September 28, 2019

To the new mom who feels lonely right now, give it time

Something that they never tell you about motherhood especially being a stay at home mother, is how lonely you can feel. I remember when I was pregnant with my oldest I was constantly being told  “I cannot wait to meet him”. I was so excited because as scary as pregnancy was I had so many people in my corner ready to meet my little guy. Then I had him. Then I remember nobody came around. Same when I had my second and then sadly more so when I had my third recently.


Where is everyone? Did they forget or were they all about the glamour saying whatever sounded good because it was on the internet for everyone to read. How come the second someone has a child everyone sort of disappears, it doesn’t help that we already feel lonely let’s toss that on top. 


Aside from people constantly telling me how eager they were to come meet our new little people you are already at home all day with zero desire to get outside of the house. The thought of going to the store sounds boring, taking a shower sounds like a lot of work and hanging out with people outside of the house sounds like even more work. Why would I put in the effort if nobody else really is. It is just easier to sit inside and add to my loneliness. Or maybe I am focusing on the wrong things and instead I could be focusing on what could make me happy.

Waiting around for people to want to spend time with me isn’t doing anything for me but makes me feel even worse about myself. Maybe it is time to take control and get over it. 


We start to lose ourselves after a while when we are home with a new baby. We feel that this is where we belong, inside, with the kids and that is it. It is such a lonely feeling waiting for your significant other to get home from work so you have someone to talk to. Sure there is plenty at home to keep us busy but when all of that is done during the day it is quiet and the quiet is what gets at you sometimes.


Maybe we need to stop waiting for others to make us feel unlonely and create our own happiness. Right now we feel lonely but what if we could just go discover ourselves or remember who we used to be. It’s crazy right now but just because I am tired and exhausted doesn’t mean that is who I am now. 


We don’t want to forget who we were before we had kids and sometimes when we become parents we feel that our lives are at a halt and that can be a sad feeling. Go find yourself. I know I am working on the same for myself. Go make new friends. The ones you have who aren’t showing up aren’t really friends.


Go get coffee and read a book in a coffee shop. Do what makes you feel happy instead of waiting on those who make you feel lonely.


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