Oh man this is such a tough one to discuss because a lot of us don't want to admit that things change A LOT after having a baby especially when it comes to our relationships. So many things are changing in our home and with the people we love that we don't even realize that it is happening. Most of the time everything is fine and things go back to normal but sometimes, everyone is overly focused on everyone else that your relationship starts to suffer. This doesn't always mean in a NEGATIVE way. Just it starts to suffer in a sense of it begins to change. You are now raising children or a child together so your relationship gets put on the back burner and you start to co exist in the same house and like I mentioned before this doesn't mean your relationship is FAILING it just means it's put on hold so you can do your best to take care of the home and kids.
So what do you do now? you have a baby and your main focus is that baby and other children you may have. You are working again and taking turns tending to the home and bath time. So by the end of the night you are wiped out. You still love each other like crazy but the dynamic of the relationship has changed. So how can we bounce forward from this?
UNDERSTAND THAT THE OTHER MAY BE TIRED AND IT ISN'T PERSONAL
Sometimes our work schedules are different and at the end of the day we may be grumpy or want to be alone and on top of that we have all of these responsibilities at home which keeps us busy and completely wiped out. It is really hard not to take things personally when the other brushes us off or makes us feel like we aren't a priority but we have to remember that it isn't personal things are just changing. One day things will get back to normal.
FIND TIME TO CONNECT
Staying connected is super important when it comes to intimacy. It can be laying around and talking about things for hours and it can be things that make absolute no sense at all. It can be laying around watching a show for hours and laughing and cuddling up. It can be going to coffee together and talking about life and hopes and dreams you want together. These things are important, staying connected is important. Even if you don't have time to go on these huge dates or trips because of baby take an afternoon just to sit around and talk about life. Get connected.
FOCUS ON YOUR FRIENDSHIP
Make sure you are staying friends. Yes you are married or in a relationship so you obviously SHOULD be close but staying friends is key to making the transition to parenthood smooth. It can be a lot of pressure being a new parent even if this is your fifth child. After the birth of our third my husband had three months off and we had a blast. We hung out and talked for hours and really maintained our friendship which was so important because we now had three children and had no time for anything. We still don't but we make sure we are close and that we have that friendship because everything can be a lot and can be overwhelming!
FOCUS ON INTIMACY
Being close and personal can be a HARD thing to focus on right now as there isn't much time for being alone as babies are pretty much a ticking time bomb. You never know when they are going to blow so maybe start figuring out your babies sleep schedule and try to work around that. Keep it fun and spontaneous and ALWAYS remember if you aren't ready then YOU AREN'T READY and that is always okay!
Never forget each other and even after baby remember to focus on what you love about each other. Keep working as a team and remember right now things are funky but soon enough things will mellow out so don't lose sight of who you are right now as a couple.
it sucks feeling used. make time for people...not just when you need something from them.
i can't stop crying. i try so hard but am reminded over and over that i'm not enough and never will be.
my heart hurts. i'm not sure how much more i can take.