Parenting is hard.
I am not going to lie. I try to pretend like I have it all figured out that I can kick each days ass and everything is going to be great. Then you start the day and everything feels like dominos and everything around you is crashing down. In those moments I really do start to question my ability to parent, like the kids deserve someone better...someone more grounded and figured out. All I can do is my best every day and hope that the next day I am just a little bit better.
I find myself crying at the end of the night sometimes because I feel like there are so many things I could have done differently. The kids are fighting so of course I snap at them for fighting..makes sense right? not really. I could have gone about it in a completely different way but I was so pushed to my limits that I snap at them. Then everything is tense and nobody is happy and then everyone goes to bed sad and you sit and you think
"Wow. I could have done better today".
But then you realize [or you SHOULD realize] quickly that we make mistakes as parents. We are only human. I mean come on think about it this way WE ARE IN CHARGE OF TINY HUMANS. We have to make sure they are fed, bathed, happy, taken care of EVERY SINGLE DAY for 18 years that is a lot of pressure!
That is a lot to put on someone and expecting that person not to snap every once in a while is unrealistic.
It's very hard for me because my kids are amazing and no I am not just saying that. Especially my oldest he really steps up as a big brother and does so much around the house and helps take care of his sisters without complaint. He does ANY task I ask of him and I couldn't be more proud. So it is hard when they are SO GOOD all of the time and one time they are horsing around and not acting right I snap. Not fair to them because they work so hard to be such good kids. They mess up and I need to remember that they will continue to mess up forever. As will I.
So why do I say to them "I promise i'll be better tomorrow"...In my head I can ALWAYS improve myself as a mom..But to them they find me great. They don't even think that way. They love me FOR ME. And I forget that and it is because I set the bar SO high for myself that one small thing I feel like I have failed them.
I am not failing, you are not failing and instead of saying "I promise i'll be better tomorrow" maybe we should say "ill continue to do my best and tomorrow I will do just that"
Because there is no perfect parent.
We can try but we are only human. We are so hard on ourselves so let's lower the standards and just be the best that we can be.
Maintaining friendships feels like a full time job lately. Sometimes I question if having friends is worth it sometimes.
motherhood is anything but glamorous. it's 9:30pm. my four and two year old are still up waiting for dinner watching avatar with daddy who's currently fairly bedridden. my ten month old is screaming for mommy. mommy now gets to nurse while going potty for second time today. yay.
Now that we really aren't allowed to hang out with people due to COVID It is clear who was a real friend and who wasn't. I hear from NOBODY and I am lonelier than ever.