I have always been super open about my own mental health issues. I feel that growing up it has always been easier to just bury how you are really feeling and then later in life it just builds up and then eventually explodes causing adult depression. Then we just deal with it and sometimes we don't really understand how to deal with it and it can cause a lot of issues later in life.
One of the biggest struggles with dealing with depression as an adult is trying to find a balance between making sure I am taking care of myself and NOT slipping down into a dark place when my family needs me the most. It is so crazy how depression can "look" I remind people that even at my HAPPIEST times I was still depressed I feel like it isn't something we ever really get rid of we just kinda deal with it until we don't then it becomes a huge problem.
So how do you find balance? How can you make sure that everyone is okay while making sure that you are okay? How do you make sure you are doing everything right even when you feel like you aren't? I feel like the biggest thing for me is by being open with my family about how I am really doing. It is really hard. I don't like having to be like "Mom needs extra help right now" because I want them to know that I am ALWAYS here to take care of them. It is also SO healthy and important for our children to know and understand about feelings and emotions and how normal it is to talk about it. I want my children to know that just because I am going through something hard at the moment that it has nothing to do with them, that it is something I have to work on myself. That way they KNOW and understand WHY you may be down today. Why you may be upset or going through something. My kids know that I talk to someone and they know that I take medication to help with various issues and they also know sometimes I need a time out that is NOT related to anyone in our home but I have to take these breaks to shift my energy and make myself positive for them.
It is okay to let other people know HEY this is what I am going through right now. Usually when I slip I go and I tell nobody. So basically I just ghost everyone in life and leave everyone questioning if I am upset with them [this is something I need to work on] but it just happens you know? you don't REALLY know sometimes when you will experience a trigger. Laying around having a good day and you think about a memory, you are out and about and you see someone that resembles someone that has caused you trauma and just BAM you are frozen. You cannot think or speak. You just panic. It is REALLY HARD trying to make sure you do not slip in that moment because you know that there are people at home WAITING for you to come home and be a positive light for them.
Work on you. That is what I do for myself. I try to do things for myself throughout the week and that really does help balance things out for me. I try to work out, go for a walk, do my makeup, focus on my business and overall make sure that I am focusing on my OWN personal needs THEN I can shift that positive toward my home and family. I do my best to cut the toxic people OUT that makes it easier to stay positive and focused during the day instead of thinking about that person and our toxic friendship. Work on yourself. Surround yourself with positive people. YOU CAN do it. I promise. You CAN be happy. I have so many things that I am constantly doing and working on and most of the time I want to BREAK. But I can't. I have to find balance or nothing with work for anyone. You can be happy you just have to work really hard on being open, talk about what is going on, inform your family. It doesn't have to be some HUGE thing but you can give them small details. Work on yourself. Start slow.
Take care of you so you can take care of your family. Because if you slip, your family slips. You are a combo deal and that took me quite a while to figure out.
my mother-in-law drives my absolutely crazy!
Social distancing is making me realize even more how I have no friends. I hear from people only when they need me or need something from me. It's a good time to focus on family.
I feel alone. I feel trapped. I hate looking in the mirror.. I'm afraid to even post this it's been trapped inside my head..