Before I had children I never understood how important it was to be picky about who you have in the room when you have your baby. Now for most, it doesn’t matter and that is okay but for a lot of others having the perfect team in your room makes the experience so much better. There are a lot of things to keep in mind when deciding who is going to be in the room when you give birth, if you choose to have anyone in the room at all. Some want a low key people free birth and some want everyone including the mailman to experience the birth.
Everyone is different but there are a few things to take into consideration when pregnant and figuring that part out.
CHOOSE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL SAFE AND SUPPORTED
As a Doula that is my biggest piece of advice to anyone who is having a baby. You want to have people in the room who support all of your choices and if they cannot support you and what you want and hope for, then maybe you should reconsider. I am not saying to ax grandma from the room however, chat with her about what you really want if she doesn’t agree and how important it is that she is supportive. You need to feel safe and supported by every person including your OB/midwife, Doula, best friend, neighbor, whoever because when you look back on your birth you want to feel confident and happy about your experience even ten years from now.
DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT SAYING NO
Everyone wants to be involved in the experience of childbirth. Trust me as a Doula it is one of the most rewarding and exciting things I have ever experienced; however, it is also very private and special. If you choose not to have anyone in the room and you only want your OB/Midwife never feel upset about telling your parents and siblings you simply don’t want anyone in the room. They will love and support you even if they seem upset, they still love you. Stand your ground and do what you feel is best for you and your birth.
CHOOSE THOSE WHO HELP YOU STAND YOUR GROUND
You have done months of research you know what you want and how you want it. You also understand things can change at any moment but that doesn’t change the fact that you know what will work for you. When creating your birth tribe make sure those people will stand up for you and help you feel confident in speaking your mind. If you don’t want an epidural and you have expressed it and someone keeps pressing it make sure you know that your tribe will help you gain the confidence to say “NO”. If you want to labor out of bed and they are being pressed to lay down, say “Hey how does that make YOU feel hearing that”. Doula’s NEVER speak on the behalf of anyone because it isn’t our birth but that doesn’t mean we won't help you find your voice. Choose those who help you find your voice when you need it most.
In the end it is your birth, your choices, your people. Make sure you think about who you want and why it is important. Most family and friends are great support to the birthing person but if you choose to have no birth tribe never feel upset about saying no.
depression/anxiety sucks. i am a stay at home mom who is now homeschooling and i feel like my husband looks at me like i don't do anything all day. sometimes i wonder if it would just be better if i went to work and we put the kids in daycare.
my mother-in-law drives my absolutely crazy!
my kids give me more anxiety than anything. it makes it so hard for me to want to be present and engaged with them. the touching, the loud noises, the moods.. i can't hang and i feel so guilty 24/7. motherhood is so hard for me and it breaks my heart.