It sucks being calm and collected and calmly asking your children to do something for them to go around EVERYTHING that you are saying and continue to act wild and crazy and choose to ignore you. You ask over and over again as calmly and as collected as possible and then eventually you snap and then you feel terrible because you yelled. Or raised your voice. Or you lost your cool or all of the above. Then everyone is upset the day is ruined and you begin to question yourself as a parent.
Oh is that just me? I cannot be alone here. I try every day to just keep my cool and ask nicely but after a while I just snap because I am sick of asking over and over again. Maybe there are other ways that we can connect with our children while keeping our cool AND them listening the first time all at once. I find myself being negative a lot. Frustrated and overwhelmed. When I could be positive and have a positive approach when it comes to my children and the way that I parent.
I am guilty of always having to be the one who does all of the talking I think we are all guilty as parents to sit down with the kids give them a talking to and then demand them to soak it all up and then learn from it. When REALLY we need to sit down with our kids and have a conversation. Talk but also listen. Hear what they have to say vs you sitting there telling them everything they need to hear. By paying attention to the things your child is saying is showing them how much you value them and what they have to say. Not only that you are helping them realize they are heard and that their words and opinions matter and this will help build a strong bond and relationship.
Breathe. They are just kids. I know it is hard to understand that sometimes but if they are getting you all worked up stop and breathe. Ask yourself if what they are saying or doing is really worth your anxiety and stress and ask yourself if you overreacting is worth adding stress on THEM. Most of the time it isn't. Our little stresses are HUGE stresses on them. Breathe. Calm down and focus on the big picture not what you THINK the big picture is.
Count with your child when feeling overwhelmed
Have you ever been advised to count when you feel frustrated and overwhelmed? I have. It actually helps. So maybe we can help our children understand that when we feel overwhelmed and completely in our own head we need to BREATHE and count. Once they have calmed themselves down they can try to react in a more positive way. We should try it as well. Breathe. Count and RELAX everything will be okay.
Take the time to show them how to do things instead of getting frustrated and doing it for them
Oh boy I am extremely guilty of this. Asking them to do something or expecting them to know how to do something then when they start to mess up we get overwhelmed and toss our hands up and finish the task for them. By doing this I am overwhelming them but I am also making it seem like I don't believe in them. That I don't think they can do anything on their own. We need to let them discover things at their own pace and we need to have more patience and let it be. We get all worked up and frustrated when we don't see instant results we need to be more calm and patient with our children they are still learning.
Misbehavior is usually a way of communicating a need that isn't being met
I have learned throughout the years that when our children act out good or bad they are usually wanting some sort of attention. Instead of punishing them or getting mad at them for being frustrated or for acting out sit down with them, see if you can get to the root of the problem together.
Never punish your child for being sensitive or for crying
We all have feelings and we are all entitled to having feelings even if it means we have a few days where we just feel down and sad. Our children are still trying to figure life out and they don't know how to handle a lot of those big emotions. So everything you say or do impacts them and they may just cry in response even if you do mean well, don't take it personally and don't over react. Let them be and remind them that crying and being sensitive is healthy and a positive way of expressing themselves vs bottling it up into anger.
Lift them up with positive words and encouragement
This one is very important because the way that our children feel about themselves is going to show in their behavior every where that they go not just at home. If we take the time throughout the day to give them courage and compliment them as individuals and compliment their hard work they will gain that confidence when they leave the home. They will know that when they are at school that they are valued because we tell them. They will know that we respect them and trust them when they are out with friends. Lift them up with positivity and encourage them to continue to do great things and it will shape them into being more positive people.
All we can do is our best as parents but by focusing on calming down and recognizing that their attitude and behavior reflects off of yours. Keep that in mind and remember to stop and focus on your reaction and what they need from you before you speak in response to their behavior or something that they did.
Ask yourself if they need attention, interference or maybe just some words of encouragement before you get upset about their behavior. There is usually a reason for our children acting the way that they do so stop and sit down and make them feel comfortable and encourage them to share so you can grow together in a positive direction. I AM FAR from a perfect parent but all I can do is learn how to be calmer and better.
Now that we really aren't allowed to hang out with people due to COVID It is clear who was a real friend and who wasn't. I hear from NOBODY and I am lonelier than ever.
I wish I wasn't hurt so easily. It's hard living life with your heart on your sleeve...
It sucks being a single parent of child with a disorder, specifically for me, ODD. I am regretting being a parent. And that is a sucky feeling.