Being a stay at home mom is one of the craziest, loudest, exciting, overwhelming things I have ever done. It isn’t easy it is a constant battle of trying to figure out what works each day and that is hard because as our kids continue to grow and change so does the home dynamic. Just when we start to establish a somewhat sane and calm[ish] routine, the youngest is now walking and getting into everything causing a tornado in the home. So you know what that means. Now we add an extra hour to clean each day. Or someone now plays sports, the whole daily routine changes. When this is a constant thing that frequently changes it can really impact us and make us feel defeated and unhappy.
So why would we want to do it. Why stay home with the kids and take care of the house when things are changing and we just cannot get on top of it. It sounds easier to just not do it and get a job outside of the home, that comes at a price though. Childcare costs, not being with your children during the day, nobody home to do the household chores and so on. So instead of continuing to let change control my happiness I took control.
These changes aren’t going to stop. Nothing is going to stop. The kids will continue to grow, things will change, the house dynamic is constantly going to be changing and moving. So instead of working with these changes, mix it up to where when these changes happen there isn’t much impact at all. The mom funk is for real. But we don’t have to always be in it. We don’t have to let our little people control the house, our appearance and our sanity. We do have a say we just need to figure out what works best for us and stick with it. Over the past 11 years I have been a stay at home mom and we just had our third a few months ago and let me tell you that rocked the house. Everything changed and we love her and are grateful for her however, everything changed. But instead of allowing these big changes to control my sanity I have made some big changes each day so I don’t feel as stressed and I feel happier being home.
I get dressed and do my hair. Now I am not talking big giant gorgeous curls but I do brush my hair and add some curls. It takes 5 minutes to put some mascara on, throw some curls in and put on that pesky bra. Sadly this makes me feel like a real life human who is ready to take on the grocery store with confidence. I live in leggings so I have not made any dramatic changes in that department but hey, one day at a time.
Morning routine. I love my mornings. They are MINE. I love them so much that I purposefully set an alarm for 5am so I can make coffee, watch my shows and SIT...IN. PURE..HEAVENLY. SILENCE. Yeah it sounds dramatic but try it. Two whole hours before the crazy morning before school routine starts, oh it is wonderful. I feel like with a good routine in the morning you can relax and gain control over yourself vs waking up 5 minutes before or after everyone else and it is so crazy you deserve your own reality tv show. Find that routine for yourself.
Ask for help. I am so guilty of this because I feel that since I am a “Stay at home mother” that I can’t ask for help or someone might say “OH well I just assumed you could do it on your own blah blah” you know. That old song and dance. But sometimes we just NEED ALL OF THE HELP. And it is okay to ask because if you don’t and act super prideful all you are doing is overwhelming yourself and eventually you are going to snap and everyone will start crying. Team up with a partner, family member, call a friend over and say look. You clean the kitchen i'll bathe child one, two and three and then we can drink wine and watch a movie together after bedtime.
Stay active with your friendships. This one I am 100% guilty of doing. Since I suffer from depression it is easy to feel overwhelmed by my day and the kids that I just don’t want to do anything at all, including talking to my friends. I love my friends and am so grateful for all of my friendships however sometimes I just don’t care to do anything. By having this mindset I am not thinking of how the friend on the other side may be feeling knowing that ONCE AGAIN I am passing on an opportunity to hang out. I am also closing myself off from the real world adding to my unhappiness.
It is okay to feel sad and have your days where you aren’t happy. But this shouldn’t be every day. You deserve to be happy even if you are a stay at home parent. You are doing the best that you can, you cannot do it all but remember the people around you love you so please utilize them. Just because you are a stay at home parent doesn’t mean it all has to ride on you and control your happiness.
I am an asshole and snap at my partner often and I try to apologize as often as I can for being such a hot mess I hope they don't start to view me differently. I do my best! Anxiety is a bitch but I am a work in progress.
Social distancing is making me realize even more how I have no friends. I hear from people only when they need me or need something from me. It's a good time to focus on family.
i feel so alone.